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The Absence of Manners and Accountability

The Absence of Manners and Accountability

When you’re trying to get back out there and meet new people after a divorce it can be tough. The world’s a different place now then what it was 15 years ago. This new age of mini computers seconded as phones, Internet accessibility, apps a dime a dozen at the app store, and texting. We’ve become a culture of faceless conversations if we have conversations at all. We abbreviate everything, we no longer use complete and accurate sentences, and worst of all it appears we no longer know how to make a conversation work, even if it’s just small talk.

I’ve noticed that when you are trying to get to know someone, or at least when I’m trying to get to know someone, I tend to ask a lot of questions. Their likes, dislikes, and favorites of whatever I can think of. I’ll ask a ton of questions, but I notice I’m not being asked anything. A few thoughts run through my head. Are they interested? They don’t care to know the small stuff, or the art of communication is dead.

There may be another possibility all together, manners and accountability. Do we forget that the people on the other side of the phone are people? We don’t have a connection with them, we’ve never met them, we’ve never seen them, so if we just drop them, that’s it, they’re gone. There’s no accountability for it because all you have to do is block a number, and soon they fade out of memory all together. Oh I’ve gotten every manor of excuses regarding long periods of absence. I was busy however is the most common. The idea of busy doesn’t escape my thought. Perhaps they are busy. Too busy to send a 10 second text to say you’re busy? See there in lies the lack of manners. It’s just rude behavior. Years ago, I was taught when I received a letter it was rude not to reply. It’s the same if someone gets you a gift, you reply with a thank you card. During Christmas or weddings, thank you cards are very common, but more importantly known as proper etiquette. It seems this is a lacking part of human society today.

The result of leaving someone high and dry can be hurtful for them. No matter the circumstance, when you leave someone without warning, without apparent provocation, it’s easy for that person to become self conscious, asking themselves what they did, was it something they said, did someone better come along? Sadly these thoughts and feelings have come to the surface for me. After the divorce I became much more noticeable when people drop off for months on end. The part that hurts the most is when it’s in the middle of a conversation. They see the message, you know they have, and then all of a sudden they are gone. Maybe it’s a character flaw I need to work on, but I find that to be very rude. I know a lot of people that do it often, and I’ve met new people that do it and they are gone forever.

I think part of the big problem is conflict. It’s easier to walk away and leave someone with questions, then be honest and have a real conversation. I think people run away at the first word that they don’t care for. Have we really become so sensitive? No matter the ups and downs in life we should be kind and respectful. We never truly know the impact we have on someone, and if we only get to give them a snapshot of who we are, make the best impression you can. I respect someone so much more that responds with a message saying I’m not his or her type, rather than be ignored. Being ignored by friends is so much worse though. I get it people you’re busy, you have lives, and it would be somewhat alright if you only did it once in a while, but people that do it all the time, well that’s different.

Just be nice and respectful, really it’s not that hard. With the wide-open world at our fingertips, we can look over the world and pick and choose what we want. That doesn’t give you the right to be cruel, or inconsiderate. If you have the power to make someone’s day a little brighter, or at least leave them with a good impression, be a good Christian steward. If we are to love our neighbors as Christ commanded then if we are all one body, then treating someone with disrespect or being inconsiderate is like treating yourself that way. Fruit for thought.

For me, the technology created an outlet. Growing up how lonely and miserable I was I wished I could connect with more people. Sadly it’s a good and bad thing at the same time. As I myself spend a lot of time alone by sheer happenstance, I find the possibilities endless, which is great, till you get let down. Double the potential, double the potential for failure also. Really what it comes down to is priority. What we do in our lives and where people rank, or even things. It’s easy to forget the positive impacts simple gestures can have on people, and not knowing the baggage or burdens someone carries, how badly our actions can hurt someone, albeit unintentionally.

Be Thankful For What You Have, Envy and Greed

Be Thankful For What You Have, Envy and Greed

In today’s world, especially now with constant adds in your face about the newest and greatest gizmo, or gadget, car, phone, or anything else you could desire, there is always something new out there we want. This doesn’t just cover the things you can buy small, but the big stuff also, houses, or even significant others. What is it about our society that we think such things are disposable? What is it about the way we live our lives that tells us it’s okay to up and walk away from commitments of any kind? It’s sad that in some states there’s actually ways to get a speedy no fuss no muss divorce. Don’t like your spouse, it’s okay, just divorce them, throw them away, and find yourself the upgraded, newest, and improved model. Decide you don’t want to pay your fair share anymore, that’s okay, no worries, the laws aren’t designed to keep things fair. You can walk away from a house and destroy your credit, along with someone else’s, but it’s okay, instant gratification, instant happiness. Well, I’m here to tell you this is all one big fat lie. This is Sin at its finest. This is greed, and lust, gluttony, and selfishness. Luke 12:15 “Then he said to them, ‘Watch Out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.’” We are a nation of abundance and collections. Understanding it’s okay to collect things, and have things, what’s not okay is when you turn those things into idols. Exodus 20:17 ”You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” The Author of exodus is not talking about your next door neighbor, no, he’s talking about your fellow human beings. Do not covet. Just as it’s written, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” This is referring to everyone. When we covet or lust for something we are in active sin.

I’ve lived all over the world and I’ve seen poor. When I was in Korea and I saw the poor standards of living, to the point of tin shack houses, barely have running water, and in some cases where I lived there was no running water. When I was in Iraq there was trash in the streets, the rivers were filthy with human feces and trash everywhere from the streets, to the waters. The sheer level of dirty was almost unimaginable. Growing up in the United States I had quickly come to realize how gratifying it was to have the basics of sanitation, food, electricity, air conditioning, and cars. Some families overseas can’t afford more than one car, and the car they have certainly isn’t the newest model. In Korea labor starts young. But even then, many of the people I met weren’t Koreans. There is a version of ‘legal’ human trafficking that’s appalling. Many Pilipino women are coerced into moving to Korea to provide money for their families back home. What they rarely know is the line of work they will endure is an exploitation of their very body. Some perhaps enjoy the work, others do not. As they have signed contracts they are legal subservient to the land lady.

When we make a conscious choice to destroy a home, we do more than break the hearts of everyone involved, but we hurt our Father Abba. Someone once told me “being the person a married man cheats with isn’t so bad. I’m not the one cheating, that’s his choice.” This sentiment breaks my heart. It’s a slippery slope to be one once you start blurry the lines of right and wrong like that. If you can find a way to justify the enabling the destruction of a home, the fall into complete sin is just a blink away. Why do we want more then what we have? Why are we not content with the life we have, the things we have, or the gifts God has given to us? Sadly the answer is found in James 4:2 ESV “You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.” I am reminded to the Greek tale of Troy. Two countries go to war for 10 years. Allegedly the princess was stolen away and angered one side and caused the war. Alliances came to each side’s aid and as bloody battle after bloody battle were waged both sides lost countless warriors. All of this was over greed, and lust. A woman. Have we come any farther in the last 3000 years? Sadly the answer is no. Human behavior isn’t much different today than it was back then. We still fight, we still lust, we still covet, we still steal what we want.

It’s a strange feeling you get when you know your home has been broken into, or someone strange has been there. Knowing your things were gone through, knowing something you cherished has been taken or tarnished, it’s a horrible gut wrenching feeling. Knowing there has been a deep violation of your home, your trust, your beliefs, it’s hard to turn a negative focus into a positive light. In the heat of the moment it’s very difficult to believe in anything else, but how badly you feel. In the heart of the matter there is a great deal more that could make life far worse, but it’s hard to focus on that when you are metaphorically speaking, hit in the face, or blindsided. When you break your finger, at least you didn’t break your hand. When your home is broken into at least it wasn’t burnt to the ground. When your spouse has an affair, at least there were no kids involved. It’s never easy to stomach any of those things, but the ability to come to grips with how the situation is not worse almost makes the current situation more manageable. The belief that someone has it worse, or you’ve been through worse is sometimes far removed from our thoughts, but often in order to survive the onslaught of attacks, these things could become a saving grace.

The perpetual positive attitude is not usually a given or natural trait. This often takes a lot of time, a lot of prayer, and a close walk with God. This is not always easy, and is nearly always easier said than done. Knowing that this life is temporary, and stuff is just stuff, people are just people, and God is the true importance in our lives will always get you farther in life then you ever thought possible. No matter the storm if you have a strong solid foundation in Christ nothing can remove you. As much as the loss of a loved one, a house, all your worldly possessions hurts, it’s the eternal salvation and life in perfection forever is what’s worth everything we have. No matter where you are in life, whether you’re the one loosing, or you’re the one taking, taking what doesn’t belong to you, or taking away someone’s joy shame on you. Justice will be served. If you are the one loosing, be patient, such as Job lost everything, to be faithful is to be renewed. God will forever renew your spirit, and replace what was lost. If you are faithful not only will God bless you, but He will bless you abundantly. 2 Corinthians 9:8 “And God is able to make all grace abound towards you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in a things, may abound to every good work;” Don’t give up hope when you feel you’ve lost everything, just remember that no matter what you’ve lost, God has the power to renew. Nothing with God can be broken forever. Matthew 6:33 “But seek ye first the kingdom of god, and his righteousness’ and all these things shall be added unto you. Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. God always keeps his promises.

Ladies and gentleman it’s not okay to lie, steal, and cheat. It’s not okay to toy with someone’s emotions. It’s not okay to take what doesn’t belong to you. It’s not okay to want and want to the point that’s your sole occupying thought. In some places I’ve been even electricity was a rare commodity. Women where betrothed and could be stoned to death for adultery. Men could be punished for stealing such as getting a finger cut off or worse. These things are common place in the middle east. So to Americans, by an American, stop being spoiled brats. Instead of thumbing your nose up at others around you, how about you put that nose in the Bible and get a true idea of how to get your compass to point north. It’s not funny to have your heart broken. It’s not fun to have your house broken into, your property vandalized, it’s hurtful, and not necessary. Just be nice, it really isn’t that hard, and I promise, it won’t kill ya.

We’ll Cross That Bridge When We Get There 

We’ll cross that bridge when we get there
You get to a bridge covered in fog. You can’t see the other side and you question to cross or not. You turn back and look at where you came from. The knots inside your stomach, the pounding in your chest, do you cross or go back to where you know? Where you came from is familiar, loyalty, family both blood and and Christ. Across the bridge is the unknown. There might be endless opportunities through the fog. There’s at least one friend somewhere over yonder deep in the dark abyss of the unknown.
Fear can be a powerful motivator, for many that fear response is what can keep us alive. For some however it can be debilitating. Do not let fear control you. Let fear tell you when you’re in try danger, but never hold back from Gods path because you’re afraid. No matter what lies and the devil will tell you, the leap of faith, knowing God will catch you, knowing if it’s the right path God will not lead you astray.
We always want to plan. We always want to know all the details. The problem with that is the idiom ‘the devils in the details’. If we have faith in God we don’t have to have every minute detail hashed out. If you are following Gods path and plan, God will move many of the obstacles out of your way. The key to that is wait until you get to the bridge. How often do we plan every detail and we haven’t reached the bridge to cross yet? No matter the situation you find yourself in know that when you are following the word, behaving as God commands of His children, bad things will still happen, but you will continue to be blessed along the way.
Don’t let the bridge be a way to escape. You cannot run from your problems. Face your trials like an adult, face them with grace and distinction. I promise you whatever waits for you through the fog on the other side will be just as bad or worse. Having to retake the test is never pleasant. Have the fortitude to bow graciously in your mistakes, do not be prideful in your successes, and always journey with Love in you and as a companion. Behave as if Christ is always next to you. Think about Christ standing next to you at the base of that Bridge. Pray the fog be lifted to see clearly what’s on the other side. Pray for guidance. Pray for comfort and peace. With Christ by your side, reflect on how you would behave if He was with you at work, in the car next to you, in the room during an argument. Let Christ be with you always in your walk. Psalm 32:8 “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” We cannot allow ourselves to focus on everything around us. We must learn to focus on the present and be there not the past, not the future. Proverbs 4:25 “Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you.”

We may not know the future or our paths to take, but silence your mind, silence the world. Pray for guidance and wisdom. Pray to let go of selfish wants and pray for clarity of the journey that it would be pleasing to God. Finding yourself in the fog at the foot of that bridge, step out into faith and trust that your path will be cleared if it is your way. Though, do not confuse lessons to be learned with roadblocks. Turn to God and let go of fear. Look to God who will guide you like that lighthouse bringing you to safety. Each step you take is one step closer to God. Have faith.

The Search For a Unicorn

The Search For a Unicorn 

Have you ever considered what you may be looking for or hoping for just isn’t out there? Waiting it seems is a constant throughout the world, one that we all despise but all must learn to live with. Some of us do this with more flair then others, some of us do this poorly. What is it about waiting we don’t like. Speaking from experience I don’t like to wait for long. I think I have a bit longer then some, but far shorter fuse then others. I’m not as short as to say I am a part of the instant gratification group, but I don’t think I’m that far off either. I’ve heard a great many people tell me I need to be patient, I need to just give it time, I need to stop looking because when you stop that’s when what you will show up, when you least expect it too.

 

It’s been 8 months of healing, of recovery, of self-reflection, life reflection, and rebuilding. 8 months may not seem like a lot to some people, but to me it’s been an eternity. My particular situation has been of isolation (not entirely by choice) and loneliness. I have found that the quiet of the house isn’t as bad as it used to be. Early in the process I felt as if I would never again be happy, that I would never again see the light at the end of the tunnel, but as time moved on, and I continued to breathe, wake up in the morning, and go about my day to day responsibilities the loneliness became a bit more tolerable. Fast forward 8 months, and that forward momentum and progress seems to be slowing down. Now 8 months later as I’ve continued to improve myself, spending more time in my Bible, making new friends (albeit internet friends) I find myself struggling to find tangible friendships, or even, the ever elusive date.

 

Dating it seems has become something of a skilled endeavor. I was listening to K-Love the other day and they said that the number 1 way to meet new members of the opposite sex for dating was still the old fashioned way, through mutual friends. The number 2 way was now online dating. The online dating world isn’t news to me. As I found early on in my 8 month journey my friends in this instance weren’t likely to provide any fruit. So I turned to the online dating apps and as I am now moving into my 8 month mark, I can safely say I have very little to show for it. The results of 8 months’ worth of exploration has been a few online friends, but nothing that has led to dating. I have estimated sending out over a thousand messages of greetings over several dating platforms, and sadly have come up with the big bubkus. Why has it been so difficult to find even a single date? As I have continued to reflect on this I haven’t been able to come up with very many reasons, and most of the reasons aren’t looking too favorable for myself as far as self-esteem is concerned. Is it me? Is it my looks, or my approach? For the vast majority of my life, my looks have been something of a rough topic for me. All my years I was told I wasn’t handsome enough, and many have gone further to say I’m just plan ugly. While I don’t strictly think this is true, I have come to the mindset that I am not all that attractive in the grand scheme of things. This however doesn’t prevent me from trying. I have not reclused myself and given up hope. The next possibility is that God doesn’t want me to right now. As this line of thought brings up a dozen questions, the basic answer is, it doesn’t matter. God’s design is far beyond our understanding and thus the rest is just a formality.

 

I have put lots of thought into the last part of that and have questioned why God wouldn’t want me to date. Could it be that there hasn’t been 100% resolution between me and my ex? Could it be because where I’m living isn’t where I’m meant to be? Could it be that I am somehow not ready for something, someone else to come along? It seems my search for a companion, or even just a friend to go out and spend time with has become a hunt for the elusive unicorn. As I have now been the victim of, or rather the survivor of 2 horrible affairs leading to being treated horribly in divorce, I now question if the person out there for me is there, or some mysterious unicorn that I may spend a lifetime looking for.

 

There are several verses I consider when I think about the amount of time I’ve had to wait and it seems still have to wait. 2 Samuel 5:4 “David was thirty years old when he became king, and he reigned forty years.” David was promised the throne early in life. He waited nearly 20 years before God gave to him what was promised. Romans 12:12 “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” We struggle with this concept, especially in America because of everything we have to receive instant gratification. Romans 8:25 “But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.” No matter how long we wait, we must understand there is purpose to it. There is purpose to our waiting, to our suffering, to or tribulations, but in that we can always have faith that God will never forsake us, and God always hears our prayers and knows our suffering. Philippians 4:6 ”Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” We may think but God already knows what we want, knows our hearts, knows our desires, knows our suffering, and while that is true, the concept here is prayer. We must always pray, always keep that line of communication open with God. You may not always feel as if God is listening, but He is. We may not always hear our path, but no matter what we think or feel, God is right there next to us.

 

It’s a hard concept for sure, and one I myself have daily struggles with. When life is going well and it seems we have everything we want it’s easy to move along and forget about anything about our joy. It’s in our struggles we wish for more, we wish for the time of suffering to be as little as possible. Sure, no one likes to be miserable or hurting especially when it’s matters of the heart. The only thing we can do is keep trying, keep moving forward, and never allow the Devil to influence us to take the easy way out. Instant gratification is not the prescription for long term relief. In fact, that instant gratification will likely be the cause of more hardships later on in life. Keep moving forward, keep praying to God, and if you’re like me, if you’re lonely and you feel as if your loneliness will never go away, have faith, and someday your prince, or princess will come. Your unicorn may seem like a myth right now, but keep your ear to the ground, and your faith strong with Christ, and some day, your fairytale will come true.

Through the Wilderness

Through the Wilderness

We trek and we wander, but do we ever know what we are looking for, what we are hoping for? The life of a broken man the pains the suffering are only a part of the trials. A man of dignity will slow down and in times of trouble ask God for direction. A man will be calm in the storm, cool in the fire, strong when others are weak. A true man will be a leader when times call for it. The never-ending supply of love and guidance from God will always get the faithful through the toughest of situations.

In a lot of early tribes a boy was placed in the wilderness and tested to survive. This test of bravery, intuition, resourcefulness, and a will to survive is what they determined a man. Today, we no longer have these rights of passage. A boy turns 18 and poof, he’s a man. No test of bravery, of skills, just an age. Sadly today, we call a man, a man, but often, they don’t act like a man, but a boy instead.

Today a male will lay with a female and when she gets pregnant the boy will leaver her high and dry. Being able to make a child does not make you a man, taking care of your responsibilities, being a father to your child, that’s what makes you a man.

Sometimes bad things happen, and sometimes people make bad choices. Even when there is a difference of opinion, or a falling out, how you move forward how you behave in the day-to-day decisions will tell the world the type of people you are. I asked a friend yesterday in fact, “In our life, how often does someone view us as the villain in our story?” I find that to be an interesting conundrum. A matter of opinion, perspective can change how someone is viewed. I am of firm belief that when the majority sides with you you’re probably doing it right. What do we do when we are tested, when we are baited to stoop to someone’s level, how will we manage the temptation. It’s easy to let selfishness, greed, wants and self gratification take over and drive you from decision to decision.

I never imagined seeing the downward spiral so closely in my life. The evil deeds of someone can easily come about anytime. It’s a hard balance to know the monster from within can surface at any time. It’s so important to maintain a sense of dignity and Christian moral values in times of stress and distress. Proverbs 6:12-16 “A worthless person, a wicked man, goes about with crooked speech, winks with his eyes, signals with his feet, points with his finger, with perverted heart devises evil, continually sowing discord; therefore calamity will come upon him suddenly; in a moment he will be broken beyond healing. There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him:” God does not approve of evil or wicked actions. Ecclesiastes 12:14 “For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil.”

 Some day you and all will have to answer for your sins. Each and every thought, every action, will be accounted for at the Day of Judgment. When you are standing before God and you realize you’ve done wrong that is too late. You must repent prior to death. Acts 3:19 “Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out,” No one is free from knowing their sins and doing the sinful nature anyway. “17 So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.” Time on earth is finite. We never know how long we have, but if we wait till our dying breath, saying you’re sorry isn’t the same as repenting. Repenting is actually changing behavior. One of my best friends and my Pastor put it this way, “Anyone can say they are sorry and mean it to a degree. Repentance is an action in which you take steps specifically to right the wrong that was committed to the best of your ability. I can say I’m sorry I broke your Arrow Funko Pop. Repentance is replacing it with a new one plus Slade, and specifically not breaking something else of yours again.” (Rev. Glen Newsome, Jr.) How many times have you or someone you know apologized and went right on doing the same behavior they just said they were sorry for? In time that ‘sorry’ no longer means as much as it once had.

Sadly, as we find our way through the wilderness of life we must learn to grow into manhood, womanhood, but also grow in our faith and live our lives as good faithful Christians. No matter the hurt someone places on you, forgiveness is not optional. It doesn’t matter if there is an apology or repentance. Forgiveness is something we are told we must do and do with all our hearts. Never forget that.

Tighten

Why am I still standing here? Being called out is something not for the weak. So many times in our lives are we afraid of change, afraid of the future, afraid we aren’t good enough, afraid we did something wrong to deserve the pain and suffering were going through. What kind of faith does it take to walk to the top of that mountain? What kind of faith does it take to run into danger? What kind of faith does it take to take that punch and stand back up? There will be obstacles that laugh at us, that try to hold us down, hold us back, but the truth is God is with us, God is for us, and it’s our choice to let God be in our corner. We have been given the greatest gift, Love. The first place to start is to love Jesus Christ. Then it’s to love ourselves, and then once we learn how to love ourselves we love our neighbors. Have the faith to move that mountain, have the faith to step out into the storm, have faith to fight that giant in front of you. Tighten up that armor, put that helmet on straight, and hold that shield tight. You can change the world with one testimony at a time. veni vidi vici

Impromptu Revelations

Impromptu Revelations

As I was reading another blog post I found myself searching inside myself for the question she asked in her blog. As I began to reply to her post, I found myself coming to a few realizations I hadn’t put into words. As my life has been one battle after another since my tragic day in September, I have found I am both stronger, and more stable then I ever have been. It’s strange how that one day has changed my life so much. I don’t know what would have happened if that day had never happened, but I know for sure that the storm clouds were still billowing off the horizon. The time for preparation had passed. The truth was coming whether I wanted to hear it or not. My life was never going to be the same. This particular course made a lifetime of tragedy become a reality. Countless years of running, of hiding from the pain would no longer stay buried. The truth could no longer be tucked away and pretend as if it didn’t exist. Yes that day hurt many, that day perhaps destroyed relationships that maybe, could have been saved in time. Regardless of the past, the present is here and the truth is now that Jesus’s love saved me. My path is always fluid, always changing, but my faith in God is resolute. My faith in God is no longer based on the good things in life, the blessings I had been given. Once upon a time I believed that my Ex Wife was my blessing, a gift given to me by God because of years of suffering and keeping my faith. When that relationship was leaving I begged God to tell me what I had done wrong. I begged God why I was being punished. The revelation came when I realized it wasn’t God doing these things. It was free will, it was human sin that would cause the biggest change in my life. Now today I am on a new path, a new road and though I don’t know where I’m going, I know that by the night’s sky and God’s Devine intervention, I will reach my place.

Ever since my recovery last September I have been listening to KLove every day. As time moved on I was drawn to a particular song. As time moved on another song would take its place, then another, then another. It seemed as if I was being told something by God Himself. The first song Eye of the Storm by Ryan Stevenson. This reminded me that as dark as the sky gets and we feel like tomorrows sun will never shine, God is the anchor and will keep up safe in any storm. No matter if our friends and family have sold us out or forsaken us, God will never do that. The Next song that came up was One Step Away by Casting Crowns. As I entered the phase of wanting to go back to take it away, remove it from history and as I realized I would never be able to do that, God’s love was always there. It never mattered how far I went, as long as I was still breathing, I could change my course. My Ghost could be left in the past. One step from surrender, one step from Arms wide open. After that came What if I Gave Everything also by Casting Crowns. I realized my whole life I’d been running from my calling. All my life I felt like I wasn’t living up to my own potential. Why was I still standing there, why was I holding back from God. I then realized in order for me to finally find my own happiness I was going to have to let go. I was going to have to uproot my feet from the deep mud, and in my faith, step out onto that ledge, move that mountain, and venture away from my own comfort zone and trust, finally with all my heart, with all my soul, trust. The final song in my journey was Voice of Truth again by Casting Crowns. I had been told so many lies my whole life. I was told I wasn’t attractive enough, not strong enough, not fast enough. I was told I wouldn’t survive basic training. I was told I would never amount to anything. I believed them. I fought through basic and proved them wrong. This was one victory out of many I would let the lies fuel. The Voice of Truth would eventually tell me I was good enough, I would be fast enough when I needed to be. The Voice of Truth would tell me someone out there will love me for me. I will be good enough for the right person. The Devil’s lies had gotten ahold of me, and only when the time was right, I would be able to fight back. When i finally understood, finally let go of my own fears and I choose to listen to that voice in my head, the voice in my heart, the voice in my soul. In one foul swoop the Devil grabbed a hold of me and I nearly lost my life. I nearly fell into the Web Satan sets for us, and I nearly lost my life to that wretched spider. Instead I found Gods love, I found Gods grace as I was saved from the brink of death. I believe in the Son, the Holy Spirit, I believe I overcome by the power of his blood I was saved. I’m alive because He Lives. (Because He Lives, By Matt Maher). It took my whole life to find my place under Gods wing, and now I look for my place in this world. I have accepted my roll as a warrior for Christ, now I must seek my physical place. I have faith that God will provide the path when the time is right. I believe God’s grace will not leave me now. I believe in the power of prayer, and the power of Godly counsel.