Scream Until Your Lungs Get Sore
I find myself struggling. I struggle to get out of bed in the morning. This isn’t a physical struggle, it’s an emotional one. I find I would rather sleep away the hours, then be up and do things I have little to no joy in doing. I spend my day watching Netflix, and now I have graduated to playing a little Xbox on the side. I have struggled to sit down with my computer and hash out a blog or two. The things I once enjoyed have now become the mundane. The music has now become an annoying buzz, the shows I watch are just passing the time. Since I can’t drive the movies in theater that I would have normally seen come and go. The sad part is, I’m not sure how much I care. The spark of excitement in life seems like it’s gone out. Now, don’t misunderstand, I’m not complaining, it’s just the facts. I do feel blessed, I do feel thankful to have what I do, and I know I have it better then a lot of people. That’s not the issue.
The truth is, I don’t know what the issue is. I don’t know why I feel melancholy. What I know is something’s gotta give. What I know is I can’t keep going the way I am. I find my joy in a few small places, but it doesn’t seem enough to kick start the rest of me. I sit and I ponder what she is thinking. I know I shouldn’t care, and I know I should probably just let it go, but is she miserable too? I know I didn’t cause this, and I know I’ve tried everything to fix it, but you know what they say, misery loves company. I don’t want company to feel miserable with. I want company that I can talk to, hang out with, enjoy a cold drink with. What I’m looking for I know I won’t find here, not yet, not now. Philippians 4:11 “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.” Being content no matter where you find yourself is difficult. It’s not something most of us have gotten to a point where we can say we are. It may not be something we’ve mastered, but it’s something we should always attempt to do.
Being content with what we have, and content with what we don’t, the Holy Grail as it were for a daily survival guide. Don’t let life keep you down. Find a way to better your situation, pray about it, and continue to be a doer, and not hope and pray for change to fall into your lap. Try to get up and make a chance. Even though some days you just want to scream, and there’s nothing wrong with that, try to find something you can strive for, and shoot for the stars. Don’t let the shadow of doubt, regret, and disappointment keep you covered.