The Daily Broken
As I sit in the ER finding the news about my bulged disc in my neck, looking at a likely surgery, I find Gods timing to be both ironic and pleasant. The pain in the simplest of tasks like breathing makes sleep a dream and the painful reality a nightmare. The shooting pains into my lungs every deep breath I take are like knives being twisted each inhale, and with every exhale the knife inches it’s way further in.
Any motion of my body causes more shooting pains and causes an uncomfortable feeling that makes sitting still the only reasonable option to the excruciating pain I feel during the slightest of movements now.
Just another test, one right after another, and like David for the 15 years of war, and Job before him, rest will come when it’s time. My trials may continue and my pain and tears may too, but one day when the time’s right, God will bless me.
Every sunrise is a chance to wipe away the sins and mistakes of yesterday. To start new and a chance to right the heading when you’re so far off course. God doesn’t care about our yesterday. Take out that compass of salvation and follow it straight to God, do it today. Don’t wait to right your wrongs we never know how much time we have to do that.
The crashing of the waves that drown me fills my lungs with water, the gasping for air as if being crushed by life. One thing I’ve learned in 9 months of therapy. Saying stuff like ‘it could always be worse’ downplays the struggles someone is going through. I realize it’s an attempt to place some things in perspective, but sadly usually that method does more harm then good and always shuts the door on communication.
When looking at the event and actually measuring the level of emotion to the event, saying stuff like it could be worse, actually tells the person that the emotional turmoil a legitimate problem causes is not important. Furthermore, if someone is legitimately taking active steps to help solve the problem validation is actually the best way to help. Validation and brainstorming actual possible solutions to the problem is what’s needed to help when the world seems too much to bear.
We all as people require some kind of validation and when we are going through troubles we wish people would understand us, sympathize and emphasize with that pain. No matter what life throws at us we must have faith Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” If we take our time to grieve and know that in every time there is a time to feel all these things, we must also remember that in John 14:1-4 “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God;[a] believe also in me. 2 In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?[b] 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. 4 And you know the way to where I am going.” As humans we are all bent, some are broken, but it’s a constant struggle sometimes to stay afloat. The loneliness we may sometimes feel, the weight and crushing waves we often undergo is the evolution of our lives.
I think something that has become taboo, a common misconception is that to be Christian means we don’t let things bother us, and we are able to always run with stride. No matter the faith you have there are times when life may do damage and get you down. There’s no faith on the planet that can prevent depression that can prevent hardships or trauma. The faith we have in Christ to be with us in the midst of the storm is the one promise we know that is kept. I believe that even though hearing that voice of God can be hard and sometimes nearly impossible when the storms at it’s worst, God is still with us every second of every day. God only wants for us to love and cherish Him and to be there always for others and ourselves. I’ve heart this sentiment many times and I keep the faith that when my time comes I’ll be able to continue to stand tall in the storms, and let life takes it’s natural progression without hurting myself or others as I find myself terrified and uncertain about God’s path for me. Allow yourself to meditate in the quiet of God’s presence, and allow yourself to quiet your mind, and lay self down and focus on God, the glory of all that we do and how it lifts up the name of Christ in our actions.
While every single day is a new day to try and reinvent yourself, to treat every day like it’s a new opportunity for us to teach and preach, to glorify God. It’s also an opportunity for the Devil to do His work against you too. Every day is a battlefield full of decisions good and bad. Every day is a convergence of millions of choices by millions of people, which affect our every minute. The forces of nature in this cosmic battlefield can work for us, and they can work against us. The choices we make every day cannot only affect our own futures, but those for others. The hope we can make our choices in the midst of bad things, horrible events and have each of those choices bring glory to God and have each of our decisions be pleasing to the Father. We may not always get it right, we may not always do or say the right things, but when we wrong, when we do things that aren’t right, we must try to make up for the bad things we do by fixing them, doing anything possible to right our wrongs. The life we live may not always go how we want, we may have broken bodies, broken spirits, but when we are lost and battered turn to the Father of all things and the giver of life and give thanks and praise. Fight the evil around you, and inside you. Fight for what’s right and have the faith to let God guide you to the truth and just.
Living with memories that hurt us, living with the constant reminders of events, of failures, of hurt and pain, knowing that those pains, and those instances of suffering are just training to allow us to help others in need. Those who can endure and press on have a responsibility to show those who struggle how to push forward.